I’ve been thinking about where I have been over last 8 months. From the liquor stores and Bars, to Azure Acres for alcohol and drug treatment, then straight to the beach to reflect on what had just happened. I remember watching the powerful ocean waves crashing into the sand, and it being a little awkward between my wife and me. We really were not sure how to connect. I had been gone for 30 days, and she had been at home trying to keep it all together. Our lives had suddenly changed dramatically, and we struggled to find each other in this new sober environment. I was also forced to go back to a job working nights that I was not crazy about. In fact, I was miserable. I remember thinking, how in the shit am I going to do this!
Surrender. That was the answer. I had to surrender control of my life to god. I had to put all of the resentments, anger, hurt, insecurities, and anxieties’ in a sack and drop them off on God’s golden door step. I could no longer bury them in my soul and cover them with substances. I had to trust that God would lead me in the direction that I was supposed to go, no questions asked. I had to have pure trust and pure faith. This was the only thing that was going to save me and my marriage. I was all in.
My faith grew a little each day, and things started changing. My attitude on life was one of gratitude. I was happy with all of the things I had been blessed with. I was no longer angry at the things I did not have. A feeling of peace came over me knowing that I no longer had to control every aspect of every little thing in life. Some resentment’s I had still lingered a bit, but I worked on them and continue to do so. My marriage slowly got better, and today it is better than ever. I made the best of my time at work, listening to educational audio to teach myself about living a kick ass positive life, and how to be an entrepreneur. Now, I have a website and blog dedicated to recovery and helping people. I am about to launch my first podcast, something I have dreamed about for a long time! I live each and every day like it was my last. I live for today. All of this was accomplished when I was truly able to surrender.
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