Trust The Process

“Its not only about doing the next right thing but its about showing up and BELIEVING that process.”

-That Sober Guy, Shane Ramer

It takes TIME, EFFORT and TRUSTING THE PROCESS to find that PEACE in recovery. You must understand that it is a journey. Recovery is not a race to the finish line to see whats next. We feel it is safe to say that you may never reach that feeling of FULLY recovered in life. Like the ol' cliche says, “Life is a marathon not a sprint.” This is true for recovery as well.

On one of his recent TSG podcast episodes Shane mentioned that even after 5 years of sobriety he STILL goes to meetings, stays connected to his sponsor and works the steps. He is protecting himself from that next craving to drink or drug, because it WILL come and when it does he will have all the tools he needs to battle that demon. The second you put your guard down the tiger will awaken and strike like never before.


Is the daily grind of recovery a difficult thing to wrap your brain around?


Do we want freedom from our “stuff” immediately?


FREEDOM comes when you are committed and trust the process. Anything good is worth fighting for, you have got to put in the work if you want to see change. It is a process and you have to go through the meetings, the talks, the stepping out in fear , the community, the challenges, the cravings ect to deem yourself VICTORIUS! When you do this you are building the NEW YOU! You are building confidence, self- respect, Self-love and you are getting to know the new you who is sober and living a new life, full of new things, new people and new adventures that make you who you are. Once you get to know THAT person...... game over , you hit the jack pot. You have reached that moment of clarity. That moment to stop, take a QUICK look back , look at your feet and realize how far you have come. Those are that type of rewards that you get in recovery. Its not a full on, “I'm cured, I will no longer struggle through my struggles.” It is a day by day, accomplishment by accomplishment grind that you WORK towards to feel that natural high that you are searching for.

The most awesome thing about this whole process is that YOU get to create your own new life, Nobody has a say in it but YOU. Nobody gets to hurt you and effect your journey, nobody gets to make you feel “less than” and tell you that you can't change who you used to be , nobody gets to put doubt in your head. YOU are stronger than you have ever been and YOU get to decide who you let into you special new little life that you have created for yourself!

Its your second chance at life. The past is in the past, we only get to look back for reference, so that we can remember how far we have come and where we are headed moving forward. Have fun with recovery! The whole idea for That Sober Guy podcast was so that people would know that you can still have fun even when your sober. It was a driving force for Shane to reach out to the sober community and let them know ……

I’m sober, I’m more driven than I have ever been and I’m having a kick ass time doing it.


November 19,2018


“Call Mom”

The hope and the defeat of mental health …..

Written By (TSG Guest Author) Kelley Marie StClair

I recently visited the Foresthill Bridge in Northern California it was absolutely breathtaking. It’s the tallest bridge in the state and the surrounding landscape is a beautiful example of the California Gold Country. However, I soon learned that not only is it the tallest bridge in California, it also serves as a landmark where 87 people have jumped to their death in times of ultimate despair.

It was a smokey day in November. Our small Northern California town of Vacaville was being consumed along with most of the Bay Area and Sacramento Valley by the looming dark haze. The Camp Fire in Paradise California had completely burned the town off of the map. We hadn't even realized the amount of damage and devastation it would cause yet. My husband and I were looking online at an air quality map to try and escape the thick blanket of grayish smothering vapor that had settled in our valley. The map of mostly hazardous oranges, reds, and purples showed on a small patch of refreshing green in parts of Placer county. Fresh air! and off we went.

Forest Hill Bridge, Auburn CA

Forest Hill Bridge, Auburn CA

On the way we looked for hiking trails and places of adventure for the day. About an hour into our drive, when the visibility was no more than maybe a mile and claustrophobia fears began to set in, we started to see a lift in the smoke. Blue skies ahead. As we came into the quaint little town of Auburn we looked forward to the breathable sanctuary. Looking through the foothills for hiking areas a long stretch of bridge appeared. The Foresthill Bridge. Driving closer to it I began to realize that this wasn't just any old bridge. This bridge was magnificent in stature. The hills opened up and we were crossing the platform. I immediately said out loud to my husband, “Oh we are coming back to walk across this” selfishly forgetting his fear of heights, he surprisingly agreed.


We continued on to Penelope Trail and hiked to the Auburn Dam. If you like the outdoors and are in the area, I highly recommend it. Breathtaking. We had a great time in the clear air admiring nature in autumn. The smoke however had decided to follow us. We noticed it slowly creeping in during the later afternoon hours. It was time to go, but that bridge! I had to see it in all its splendor and we would be going through it right before sunset. I was very excited. We approached the bridge and parked on the shoulder, just before the entrance. It was getting smokier. We walked on the side of the road through the red dirt and brush. Cars seldom passed us but when they did they were fast and loud. Getting closer to the opening of the overpass we could see the colossal cement towers and green steel arches. It is one of those - “you really have to see it” experiences. I felt small. Taking the first steps onto the gigantic link between two hills we saw the sign.

Foresthill Bridge, the Highest Bridge in California.

This bridge stands 730 feet above the North Fork American River. Originally designed to replace a river-level crossing that would of been flooded by a reservoir if the Auburn Dam would not have been constructed. This explains its enormousness.

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As we walked I came across a laminated sign zip tied to the 7-8ft railing. It was a letter addressed to “Daughter” with some loving and comforting words an then signed by “mom”. I looked down the bridge and noticed the railings on both sides of the bridge scattered with these notes. I am immediately enticed. My husbands said, “oh they are notes for jumpers”. I am instantly embarrassed that I didn't realize that already. My mood changes from excited and awestruck to sad and mindful of my surroundings. I become aware of more smoke, the dizzying height, and the roaring sounds the cars make as they occasionally speed by. I trek on and look down. My insides get topsy turvy and tingly. My husband begins to make sounds of hesitancy. He tells me he can't do it, its too high and assures me he will walk back and wait for me. I am enthralled in these notes frantically trying to read every one of them that I barely notice what he says. I am focused on the feelings in the notes. I am an empathetic person and sometimes that means I get caught up and absorb the energy around me. It’s something an empathetic person needs to learn to deal with because it can be a wonderful thing, and a sometimes damaging thing to one's mental health. I take turns scanning these notes and looking down. My heart gets heavy. I take myself to a moment that I create in my mind, maybe not so far off from someone else's reality.

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How does someone get here? It's so scary, so lonely, so potentially harmful... so finalizing. I am so sad for these people who have stood before me. It is overwhelming. I know that right now in my life I am in a good place. So this feeling of trying to peer in someone's mind of darkness where they don't see a tomorrow and feel like THIS is their only choice is conflicting. But it's not a stranger to me. I have been hurt, I have been lonely, I have battled with bouts of anxiety and depression at times in my life. I would be lying if I said I never asked myself “what if “.... I am human. But I am lucky to have never felt such a compelling stagnant empty darkness that some people have. I have known people, friends who have taken their own lives. I have seen the devastation and destruction it leaves behind.

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I am in the middle of the bridge and my mind is in a dark sad place. I look over to see my husband standing... watching... waiting for me. I force myself to keep reading the notes and focus on the positive affirmations - “You matter” “ We love you” “your family and pets will miss you”. “Call mom”,This one hits home. I am a mother of two. These notes of love, encouragement, hope, and faith create a small glow in my heart. They are what is good in this world. People who love. I again look at my guy and count my blessings as I begin to return to start.

I learned that 87 people have jumped off this bridge since its creation. That's 87 families and more friends left behind to pick up the pieces. These notes were inspired by 18-year-old Paige Hunter - a college student in England who placed 40 notes on Sunderland’s Wearmouth Bridge. Residents from Auburn followed in her path to spread positivity and togetherness. You feel a sense of celebrating life within these encouraging colorful and bright messages.

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Leaving there I could of felt despair and heaviness, however I choose to look at this experience as a perspective one. I promised myself to try harder to be aware of friends and family’s mental state and feelings. Listening to someone is so helpful. Just letting them know you are there for them. Checking in on people going through challenging times. Encouraging them to stay healthy for themselves and their families. I will try harder to also make a conscious effort and be healthy and find happiness for myself. Canceling out negativity in others and replacing it with positivity could help them as well. A positive attitude is contagious.

I have included a link with more information on the Notes For Hope and the wonderful people who have carried out this act of compassion. It is them I want to thank to help me have this eye opening experience and motivate me to help others.

If you or a loved one need help, please reach out to one of the resources  below.


Suicide Prevention Hotline -We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones.

Kelley Marie StClair Is a California resident who is passionate about cooking, writting , hospitality and has a huge heart for her family.

Kelley Marie StClair Is a California resident who is passionate about cooking, writting , hospitality and has a huge heart for her family.

stay in community

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Last month Shane and Seth did a Live show at Journey coffee in Vacaville, CA . Their topic ? COMMUNITY ! What it means, why its important and how to find it. Thank you to those who were in the area and able to make it. Its been so fun to discover what people want at these live shows and the turn out is always great ! For those of you that were not in the area and unable to make it out we dont want you feeling left out so we are sending you a little summary of what the guys talked about. Here it is, we hope it encourages and inspires you.

TSG Community LIVE at  Journey Coffee

TSG Community LIVE at Journey Coffee

How many know that community is the major ingredient to a healthy recovery and life ?

Living life without community is a difficult way to live. We all have seasons of life that we are walking through, whether you are walking through a season of grief , parenthood, success, hurt, new beginnings, we all have some kind of “something” going on in our lives. In a difficult season it is so important to have people surrounding you for support and encouragement. In the season of success or blessing it is equally important to have people around who will celebrate with you and cheer you on. Surrounding yourself with like minded people who can relate to what you are experiencing is KEY to coming out on the other end stronger than when you started.

Lets face it, life is not easy. We will experience different emotions, struggles and lessons along the way. When we're confronted with those “unexpecteds” or those seasons of life , what is better than having someone along side you that has, or is, experiencing the same thing? You feel heard, you feel validated, you feel NORMAL, you feel like you just might make it through.

Here's the best part, community is not just for walking you through those hard times. Community is an everyday dose. It's impossible to live a healthy, growing life without it.


Reach out, do it afraid, ask for help, TALK TO PEOPLE, be honest, tell your story, have faith that when you step out and let someone know what season of life you are in, you will NOT be left out in the cold, Take a chance, try it. Nothing to loose, everything to gain. TODAY IS THE DAY !! Find a local church, go to a meeting, join a group, take a class, ask someone to coffee. The possibilities are endless when it comes to where and how to form community. The main ingredient is YOU stepping out and making it happen. Always remember, YOU have a story too! Someone needs to hear YOUR story and how you got through your season or they may just need to walk beside you through it. We don’t walk through these difficult times or seasons of life for nothing. We are wired to share our experience and be open in hopes to help others.

Peace, Love , Respect ;

Team TSG