It’s a hot 100 degree August afternoon in Northern California. I’m driving to work in my little single cab stick shift chevy s-10. It had no AC, and I’m sweating like crazy. Sweat is dripping off my forehead, and my back is soaked with sweat through my teeshirt . I stopped by the liquor store and grabbed my usual, vodka and Redbull. As I raced down Interstate 80, I poured myself a strong mix in a McDonald’s cup and slurped it down to quench my thirst and get my mind right before getting to work.
Now, this was just another Wednesday at 1 pm in the afternoon. I’m working a swing shift in the mail room as a machine operator at this time. This same situation had been happening every day for months, and every day I swore up and down that I was going to quit drinking.
As a kid, life at home was chaotic and confusing. There were some fun times for sure, like trips to Lake Tahoe, concerts, and camping trips with family and friends. But you never knew when something was going to set my dad off, and once that happened, all hell could break loose in the blink of an eye. Over the years I watched alcohol and drugs destroy my father's life. I had always promised myself that I wouldn’t follow that same path, but here I was.
I was 32 years old, I was miserable at my job, I was scared to be a father, my relationship with my wife was going downhill fast, and my self-worth and confidence were at an all-time low. I felt lost, frustrated, and confused about all the responsibilities of life. I lacked purpose, and the one thing that made all the feelings go away, at least for the short term, was alcohol. At the same time, I knew in my gut that God had something more for my life. I knew I could be a better father, a better husband, a better man. I wanted so desperately to change, but I could not. stop. drinking!
Stuck and ready for change
I knew there had to be more. God was calling, I could hear Him.
My Pivotal Moment
One night after work I was up drinking and smoking in the garage, and my 3-year-old daughter came out the garage door and said “hey daddy”. I said, “Hey baby girl, what’s going on.” She said, “it smells like evil in here”, and she turned around and closed the door. It felt like someone socked me right in the gut. At that moment, I realized that I was following that same path my father went down. I was carrying on the generational curse. I was becoming everything I never wanted to be.
What Did I Do Next?
Not too long after that, I made a decision to change my life. I was exhausted and desperately wanted relief from the weigh of the world that I was so unequipped to keep trying to carry on my back. I reached out to a buddy of mine for help. I started going to a mens group and attending Church regularly. I found support in meet-ups and groups. I also had an accountability partner to help stay connected. I stopped hanging around old people, places and things that had negative impacts on my life. It was a slow process, but over time my mind changed, my heart changed, and so did my bad habits of drinking and making bad decisions.
What is Life Like Today?
I have been alcohol free for over 10 years! I have been blessed with the constant pursuit of a sober mind, a growing relationship with my lord and savior Jesus Christ, an amazing supportive wife who is also my best friend, and two beautiful kids who continue to teach me things on the daily about what’s really important in this short life. I love them more than anything and am so grateful everyday for the time we spend together.
In addition, That Sober Guy has helped thousands of men break through their struggles with alcohol and become better fathers, better husbands, better entrepreneurs, better community leaders, and better overall men.
Shane, Pastor Jeremy White, and Shane’s brother Gary
Although my story might not look just like yours, we all have gone through difficult times at some point in our lives. Many of us know what it’s like to not know our self-worth. Or we feel scared, confused or uncertain about our path in life. This is why I am so passionate about helping men get back on track.
I believe that excessive use of alcohol creates a rigid roadblock between each man and his true purpose, and I love to help dudes find out what that purpose is. I believe that if you are reading this right now, regardless if you struggle with alcohol or another addiction, you deserve to know your self-worth and to have the confidence to accomplish all the things you know you were born to do.
Here are the 4 Crucial Things Every Man Needs to Know to Help You Quit Drinking Alcohol and Stay Sober for 30 Days or more
1. Personal Responsibility & Ownership
We first need recognize there is problem, and take ownership. This is the first move in the process of change. If we cannot first recognize there is a problem and take ownership, we cannot move forward. I took ownership when I recognized I had an issue.
Next, I had to admit there was a problem. I took ownership and I admitted to God, to my wife and to my friend that I had been struggling, and that I needed help. I found comfort and strength in a spiritual revival and knew that God had something more for my life. I then had to let go, surrender & take personal responsibility.
In admitting that I was struggling and making a decision to tell someone and ask for help, this allowed me to fully surrender to my reality. It forced me to take personal responsibility and to take action to get the help I needed.
2. Radical Acceptance
Let’s be real here, in most cases, alcohol almost always ends up creating adversity in peoples lives when used over long periods of time. One of the first things I needed to do was personally admit and accept that alcohol created adversity in my life and my families life. I used it to mask my feelings and not deal with life, which can lead to an adverse lifestyle.
Alcohol had been holding my consciousness and my creativeness hostage for years. I also had to admit and accept that there are things that I cannot control. I had to surrender to that fact that I didn’t have nor did I need to have all the answers. Meditation and prayer were ways I learned to practice this. We dive deeper into this and more in our 30 Day Quit Drinking Dude Challenge.
I also had to learn to accept that everything is exactly the way it’s supposed to be. How? By accepting that every moment in our life has led us to this very moment right here. Look at your feet. God has you right where your supposed to be.
3. Accountability & Community
Accountability is so important. Finding a mentor, a coach, a friend or accountability partner is crucial to having success in most anything we do, especially when it comes to giving up bad habits or drinking. I have great mentors and great coaches which help give me the tools to navigate life and life's challenges. Without these mentors and coaches I would not be able to learn, grow and succeed. Finding community is just as important.
Where are your people? Who are your people? How do you find them? Is it a mens group? Is it a recovery group? Church group? Digital online group? Mastermind group? These are just a few of the possibilities where community can be found. We have an awesome Sober Guy Mens Group over on the Locals platform if you are looking for a place to start. This is all a process, and you have to trust the process and know that change takes determination, work, patience, and resilience. Which brings us to number four.
4. Your Resilient
Forgivness is key to being resilient. Remember, sometimes we forgive for ourselves, not for the other person. This is crucial for moving forward. Make a list of all people you need to forgive, and make a list of all people you need to ask for forgiveness. You will be surprised at what writing things down can do for you. We also need to practice gratitude. Gratitude helps us focus on the positive and not the negative. If you want a 10 day jumpstart and want to learn more about how to practice gratitude daily, you can sign up for our FREE Jumpstart Your Life Without Alcohol in 10 Days guide.
Being of service whenever we can and possessing a service mindset is also important. I wanted to stay sober, as well as talk to other people who were sober to help others out there who were thinking about getting sober. This is a service mindset, and why I started That Sober Guy Podcast. Not only does the podcast help other people, but by helping other people, the podcast helps me.
What about goals? What about hobbies? And how do we have fun without alcohol?
If you want to learn more about my story, how to set goals, find hobbies, and even learn daily exercises to help keep you on track, I am giving away 3 free sessions of our Quit Drinking Dude 30 Day Challenge. CLICK HERE and scroll down to preview the 3 free sessions.
I hope something you read helped you today. You can quit drinking and change your life. If I can do it, so can you. For more information, podcasts, and resources go to ThatSoberGuy.com.
Peace, love and respect. Keep your Blood Clean.
Shane
The Ramer Family
