I married a non- hugger , I mean he would hug but he didnt quite understand how or why. Like many non-huggers, he didn’t understand that hugging could be a literal lifesaver. Growing up my family was full of huggers, we hug hello , goodbye, we hug when we are sad ,happy or need support. We are just always hugging. When My husband and I started dating it took him a while to understand what all this hugging was about. After awhile he got used to the hugging, he literally LEARNED how to hug and now im proud to say, after yeas of forceable yet loving hugging he is now a true professional hugger.
We also say “I LOVE YOU” alot. As a child I remember Leaving the house, “I LOVE YOU”, going to school, “I LOVE YOU”, as we got older after phone conversations, “I LOVE YOU.” Even now my siblings and I still say “I LOVE YOU” when we get off the phone and if we are in close proximity of course, it's usually accompanied by …….. You guessed it , a hug. Thankfully this has carried on to our little family of four. We have made I LOVE YOU and physical affection normal . A quick “I love you” might seem like just a reaction at the end of a phone call or in place of “goodbye” when getting out of the car but I don't mind that being the last thing we say to each other as we depart for the day. I realize there are people who have never heard the words I LOVE YOU in their whole lives and there are grown adults who have never been hugged. This is sad to me. I found this as I was researching “hugging statistics”
Virginia Satir, a world-renowned family therapist, is famous for saying “We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.”
For those of you that are still not convinced and like to see actual facts I also found that hugging helps with; stress hormones, mood, increases oxytocin, hugs strengthen your immune system and balance your body, hugs increase your feelings of safety, hugs increase your feelings of belonging, and hugs increase self esteem. It is recommended to hug for 30 seconds or longer to accomplish an “effective hug.”
Now before you ask , the answer is NO , you will not catch me standing on the street corner with a shirt that says FREE HUGS. I'm just not that girl. Even though I have asked permission to hug people that I don't know in a time I felt it was necessary…… because sometimes hugs are necessary. However, I am A true believer that hugs and physical touch can make a difference in someone's life. As a hairstylist I come in contact with so many women . I hear all kinds of stories of different lifestyles. I hear happy days, I hear sad days, I hear about exciting things to come, loved ones lost, weddings ,new life created, putting long loved family pets to rest, I just never know what the day will hold as the next client sits in my chair. I'm listening to these women share their life with me and a simple touch on the shoulder after an emotional share could potentially be the only time they feel heard. A hug after an appointment to let them know I care and I listened to them maybe the only time they felt loved for that day .
I know I'm kind of all over the place with this topic and so I will wrap it up with this last effort. If you are reading this and it is followed with an eye roll or a sarcastic scof’, I wonder if you have been hugged today, or lately, or ever. I wonder if you think I'm some crazy hippie lady who has hugged her way through life and sees nothing but sunshine and rainbows, I am not. I am a woman who grew up in a loving family, experienced hardships due to my own decisions growing up, soon found true love in my marriage with my husband, struggled with depression and anxiety in different stages throughout life and I have found such safety, peace and healing from just a simple lasting hug from a loved one (mainly these days from my husband).
I encourage you to break the cycle. You don't have to shy away from a loving gesture of comfort. Have you hugged your kids lately? Do they know that they can find comfort and peace in your arms as you squeeze just enough to let them know they are safe? Does your husband know how to hug you? Let me let you in on a little secret, you might need to teach him. Husbands are “fixers” they see the woman they love hurting and they want a solution, it's in their nature . Communicate with your husband that you may not need to be fixed at that moment but you just need a good ol fashion hug, a long one, you just want to be held. Shane and I have had many conversations about this very thing throughout the years , he may not have understood it and I didn’t always need him to but he knows now it's what I need and he has gotten so good at it, your husband can too. It's never too late to communicate with your family, change things up, start hugging each other and see how it changes things, for everyone. I love you.
